first day of school

Even though my grills are in middle school and my son is in second grade, my heart breaks on the first day of school.

Yesterday was the first time that my grills didn't want me to take them to school. It broke my heart, but I let them ride the bus, because I remember being that age. I remember wanting independence, but still it broke my heart.

Ricky wasn't so sure about starting a new school and he made it clear that not only were we going to take him to school, we would stay there until he said we could leave.

The first day of school always sucks for all of us. The kids are tired from lack of sleep because they are too excited to sleep the night before. I am just a cry baby when it comes to my kids, I realize that every year is one year closer to them graduating and leaving home, and that thought kills me.

Here is a letter I found on the internet, I am not sure who wrote it, but I had to share it. It describes my feelings perfectly....

Dear World:

I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long.. and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sun when she runs.I trust you'll treat her well.
She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning...and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine.Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.
Now she'll learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells...and deadlines...and she'll learn to giggle...and gossip...and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry.
No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things...like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friends is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes.
For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and mother and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers ...which is only right. But no longer will I be the smartest woman in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time...she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group...with all its privileges and its disadvantages too.
She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud...or kiss dogs...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer.Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.
I trust you'll treat her well.

~Raidon~

Raidon Jacob Stanton

Moving to Florida was pretty tough on me. I had never been away from my family and I didn’t know how I would deal with everything. I had no idea how life outside of Tulie would be, and I was scared. I prayed that God would put us in the right house and give us good neighbors. God answered my prayers. The day we moved in we met Michelle and Raidon. Ricky was only three and Rai was 9 months old. Ricky wasn’t really into babies and he asked Michelle point blank “is that the only kid you have?” She laughed and said no she had 2 other boys that were at school. On that day, I met one of my best friends.
After we got all settled in, we started to hang out a little more every day. I so enjoyed our nightly talks on our carport sometimes lasting for hours, with our kids constantly interrupting to see when we would be coming in. Most nights Rai was outside with us, he was such a mama’s boy.
Shortly after our move Allen got word that he would soon deploy. This really freaked me out, how was I supposed to live in a new state, without my husband. Allen told Chris (Michelle’s husband) the night before he was leaving, I think it was after ten at night. Michelle was in the shower and Chris went inside and told her, she immediately got out of the shower threw on some clothes and came over to assure me that they would take care of us.
Michelle, Chris, Austin, Gage and Raidon quickly became our family. They had us over for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. I remember on Thanksgiving getting all the papers and planning our shopping strategy for early the next morning. We decided that Chris would stay with all 6 of the kids, while we went out and faced the crowds.
After the New Year the drs. Said that Rai had some sort of blockage in his heart. They said that it is nothing to worry about; they said he needed more tests. They did the tests and ended up taking him to Birmingham. I kept the 2 older boys while they went up there. Then Michelle called one day and told me that Rai had a much more serious problem with his heart and would require open heart surgery.
A few days later he had his surgery and was home less than a week later. I had been trying to prepare all of the kids, trying to tell them what to expect. When Chris and Michelle got home that day, we were all shocked to see Rai walking around. He was a little sore and we joked that he was moving like a little old man, but he was walking around and playing with all of the kids. He was so excited to see them.
He did really well after the surgery, but a few months later he started getting fevers, and just acting like he was in lots of pain. So Chris and Michelle went back to the Drs. to try to find out what was wrong with him. They had so many appointments and nobody could tell them what was wrong. He was admitted to the Children’s hospital in Pensacola several times, but never with a diagnosis. One dr. would say one thing and another would say something else. He would be fine some days and others he was just so sick. Nobody knew what was wrong with him. Eventually the drs. said that they thought it was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. With this diagnosis the Air Force decided that Rai needed to be near a good hospital that could provide the treatment that he needed. They got orders to McChrord AFB in Washington State. I knew that they needed to leave, but I was so sad. These people were our family. We spent all of our holidays together.
Our kids got along great. I have noticed that it is very hard to find a family that everyone in your family gets along with. Our husbands were good friends, I remember Michelle and me going to the movies or shopping and coming home and the kids telling us that daddy and Chris broke the fence playing baseketball (hitting a basketball with a bat.) I remember Michelle’s boys telling her that Mr. Allen and daddy bet that they couldn’t jump from the roof to the trampoline. These were just a few of the mischievous things that our husbands did with our children while we were out on our dates.
After they left we didn’t talk as much, maybe once a month, but we stayed in contact. When we would talk Michelle would tell me how Rai was doing. Sometimes he was doing great, others he was having more problems.
Then last month I got an email from Michelle, telling me that she was in Seattle at the Children’s hospital with Rai and that he was really sick. She said that they almost lost him once. I called daily for a couple of weeks and then went to every couple of days. Then last week I talked to her and she said that he was doing much better. He was moved out of ICU and may be getting his feeding tube removed in the next couple of days. We were all so happy.
Then yesterday I got an email and the title was “video or our Rai” I opened it and immediately started to download it. I didn’t read the message I just wanted to see how he was. After I watched it I started to read what she wrote, and the room started spinning. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. It said something like this video was taken on Monday, he was happy that day. Then the next sentence said that Rai is not hurting anymore, he is in heaven. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. Allen was right there with me. I asked him what does this mean and he told me that Rai is gone.
My heart broke for Michelle, Chris and the boys. Rai has been there whole world for the last 5 years and how are they going to go on. We had to tell our kids, but how do you tell them that all of their prayers have not been answered? How do I look at my son and tell him that the little boy that he prayed for everyday was gone?
I called Michelle, and we talked for a little while, but what do I say? What do you tell someone who just lost their child? I’m sorry seems like such a stupid thing. I bought a card to send but even that seems stupid. How can a piece of paper offer any type of comfort?
I am writing this to ask all of my friends and family to please pray for Chris, Michelle, Austin and Gage as they go through this horrible time. Please also pray for everyone who knew and loved this amazing five year old little boy. Ask God to send comfort, and understanding to their family and last but not least please ask God that he keep their family together. I have read over and over that most marriages don’t make it through such an incredible loss. I am praying that they make it and somehow, someway they find comfort.

Goodnight Rai, sleep well. We love you!

A life long commitment

One of the most amazing experiences I have had as a mommy came on our last weekend in Florida. My kids have been saved ever since they were old enough to grasp what Jesus did for them. The girls had been wanting to get baptised, but I kept putting it off. A couple of weeks before we were set to leave Fl, they asked me to ask Pastor James if he would be willing to baptize them before we left. He agreed and we set a date for the weekend of April 28th. After church he came out to the beach we had on base and talked with Allen, the girls, Ricky and me about what they were about to do. Allen decided that he also wanted to get baptised too. Ricky had said that he wanted to get "bathtised" too, but I wasn't sure he was old enough to make that decision. After Pastor James prayed with us, they went out into the ocean and they were baptised. Ricky asked again and Pastor James talked to him and he told Allen that he thought he was ready, as long as we were okay with that. That day everyone in my family publicly acknowledged their desire to serve God for the rest of their lives.

Got your Back

A girl friend sent this to me and I thought it was worth sharing....



I am a small and precious childmy dad's been sent to fight
The only place I'll see his faceis in my dream at night.
He will be gone too many daysfor my young mind to keep track
I may be sad, but I am proud.My daddy's got your back.

I am a caring mother my son has gone to war
My mind is filled with worriesthat I have never known before.
Everyday I try to keepmy thoughts from turning black
I may be scared, but I am proud.My son has got your back.

I am a strong and loving wifewith a husband soon to go
There are times I'm terrifiedin a way most never know.
I bite my lip and force a smile as I watch my husband pack
My heart may break, but I am proud. My husband's got your back.

I am a soldier serving proudly, standing tall
I fight for freedom, yours and mine by answering this call.
I do my job while knowingthe thanks it sometimes lacks.
Say a prayer that I'll come homeIt's me who's got your back.

English Rose Garden

One of the first things I noticed when we got to England was the beautiful roses that just about every yard had. I told Allen that I MUST have some of these roses for our garden when we got all moved in. I have been looking for them everywhere, but I never could find any. Last week our landlord came over and I just happened to ask him if he knew of a place to find some. He told us Peter Beale. Today we finally made it out there and I finally got my english roses. Besides the nursery they also have a couple of acres of rose gardens. Here are a few pics...