With Thanksgiving being tomorrow I just wanted to write a few things that I am thankful for.
~I am thankful for my Lord and savior.
~I am thankful for my mother.
~I am thankful for my father.
~I am thankful for my sister
~I am thankful for my nephew Andres.
~I am thankful for my niece Natalie.
~I am thankful for my sister in Law.
~I am thankful for my brother in law.
~I am thankful for BOTH of my parents in law, because without them I wouldn’t have my amazing husband!
~I am thankful that Baca came out of his accident alright and is doing so well.
~I am thankful that my Nana is alright after all of her kidney problems this year.
~I am thankful that my dad is still here with us.
~I am thankful that I got to live 4 amazing years in Florida.
~I am thankful that I got to know Allen’s family in Alabama during those 4 years.
~I am thankful for all of the friends that I left behind in Fl.
~I am thankful for having food, shelter, and clothes.
~I am thankful for the new friends that I have made here in England.
~I am thankful that the Lord answered my prayers and moved us to England before my
girls were in High School.
~I am thankful that I have a nice car to drive.
~I am thankful that Tabby went to a good home.
~I am thankful that I am an Air Force wife and I can show my children the world.
~I am thankful for all of our troops across the world and their families. They make sacrifices that most people will never understand.
~I am thankful for the internet. I had never really thought much about it until we moved here and didn’t have it for over a month.
~I am thankful that we had an entire year without a deployment. This has NEVER happened before.
~I am thankful that I have such well behaved children. They may have their moments,
but they are all such good kids and they all have a strong desire to serve God. For
that I am most thankful.
~I am thankful for Martina. She has the kindest heart I have ever seen. She lives for God, Anime and myspace.
~I am thankful that her Muscular Dystrophy is mild and she is able to live a normal life.
~I am thankful for Ritza. She is my biggest helper. She is so witty, and can bring a smile to my face anytime of day.
~I am thankful for Antonio. He is such a mama’s boy. He is so sweet and always ready to give a compliment. He is going to be an amazing man.
~I am thankful for Azariah. Even though having a new baby is hard work, he makes every second of it worth it. His smile makes me forget that I only had 3 hours of sleep.
~I am thankful for Allen. God almost reached perfection when he created my husband. He is my best friend. He is an amazing Airman, father and husband. I will forever be grateful to God for giving him to me.
Psalms 136:1
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Wednesday 21 November 2007
Friday 9 November 2007
Wednesday 10 October 2007
Azzie 11 days old
I just wanted to post a few pictures of our baby boy. I don't have much time right now, but I just wanted to share some pics. I will write more when I get a chance...
Monday 1 October 2007
Happy Birthday Azariah!
Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. I grabbed the alarm clock to make it stop. Today was the day, the day we were all waiting for. September 28, 2007 was Azariah’s birthday! Theresa was supposed to be at the hospital by 7 am, but what were they going to do, tell her she couldn’t have the baby? So I wasn’t too worried about taking my time that morning. The kids came downstairs, ready to go. Everyone was showered, had shoes on. Everyone came together as a team to make the whole day run better. Cassie, the girl who graciously volunteered to help with the kids, came early as usual, about 6:20 to make sure they got off to school alright.
Maritza had an appointment with the orthodontist at around 7:15, so she rode with Theresa and I to the hospital so I could kill two birds with one stone. I dropped off Theresa at the ER entrance, the shortest path to labor and delivery at around 7:05, as planned so she could get started. We rushed over to Maritza’s appointment so she could get her smile worked on. I dropped her back at the house with reliable Cassie at around 8:00 am so I didn’t have to take her all the way to Feltwell where she goes to school.
I got back to the hospital at around 8:15 where I found Theresa in the hospital bed, anxious to get started, anxious to be done with the entire pregnancy. She sure looked brave. I can’t say I would have been so calm and ready, even though I may seem that way at times. At around 10:00 am Nurse Satchell came in with the synthetic Oxytocin to try and jump start the natural process. From then it was just a waiting game.
Two hours rolled by. We listened to George Strait, Kenny Chesney and dozens of other songs on Theresa’s playlist. Theresa started feeling funny stuff in the girl parts.
We talked about what-ifs and maybes. The nurse checked the cervix and saw 3 cm. We talked about how Ritza’s new dental appliance prevented her from saying her “S’s.” We ran out of things to talk about and just held each other. The time was flying by, and anticipation continued to ramp up to immeasurable levels.
About 1:00 pm, the contractions started getting stronger. They weren’t unbearable but they were definitely contributing to some discomfort. Theresa did a very good job of letting the contractions do their job. She just breathed through them, focusing on any area of the body that wasn’t relaxed and forcefully relaxing it. Her eyebrows were a storage area for tension. Her hands are usually tense, but she was in control today.
Theresa started to feel some moisture down below around 3pm. The nurses were convinced this wasn’t her water breaking because is didn’t look right, but they labeled it as a “suspicious leak.” They wanted to check the progress any way and measured about 4 cm, which is not what Theresa wanted to hear after all of that work! Right as they were checking, guess what spilled everywhere! The suspicious leak actually was the water breaking! At the same time, The nurse continued to explain that the cervix hadn’t gotten much bigger, but the baby was all the way down, or “engaged.” The pain continued to feel far disproportionate from the assessment of the nurse.
The contractions came stronger and harder, but we still felt like it was going to be a long night, and it was only 4pm! Finally, I knew it was baby time. Theresa was starting to lose focus and half-way considered the use of powerful epidural drugs. She made up her mind that was not the way she wanted to do this, remembering from the past a bad experience with the drug. She was going to stick it out.
Theresa suddenly felt the urge to push, but resisted, just breathing through as usual. All of the staff ran in, doubting this could be the time, since they just checked at 4pm at only 4 cm. They checked the dilation again, this time at 6-7 cm, which is usually still pretty far away from a birthday. Then there was the urge to push again. Again Theresa didn’t push, just trying as hard as possible to relax and breathe through the contraction, letting the uterus do its job. The staff left us alone again, not expecting action for quite a while.
TEN MINUTES LATER, Theresa got the uncontrollable urge to push. The staff rushed in again, thinking there was some kind of problem, but Dr. Adams measured this time at 9cm plus. She still wanted Theresa to wait on pushing, but nature had other plans. All of a sudden, Theresa stopped breathing and started staring at me. Her eyes started glazing over and her face turned red, almost purple. Her chin sank into her face and her body was pulled down into the bed by the force of her hands on the bed rails. Just one push and his head was already visible!
Now the Doctor knew she wasn’t just dramatic. Without warning, Theresa reached over her head and grabbed my arm. She started pulling me forward. I braced my arm with my other one against the bed and it was still a major struggle to resist the power of push #2. There was definitely some progress on this one, but not at much as the third push, when after a deep breath, Theresa bore down with everything she had. At 5:09 pm, London time, on 28 September 2007 Azariah Francisco Martin Horne’s innocent little head crossed over into our crazy world. His world of quiet comfort and laziness was rudely interrupted when Dr. Adams grabbed onto his head, supporting him for the fourth push, which cleared his shoulders, arms, torso, legs and feet.
Theresa was relieved it was all over. Azzie was placed on her chest and we all had the biggest smiles in the world. The youngest person alive was all ours. Soon after the commotion, we thanked God for all our blessings, and the opportunity to raise another one of his children.
I got back to the hospital at around 8:15 where I found Theresa in the hospital bed, anxious to get started, anxious to be done with the entire pregnancy. She sure looked brave. I can’t say I would have been so calm and ready, even though I may seem that way at times. At around 10:00 am Nurse Satchell came in with the synthetic Oxytocin to try and jump start the natural process. From then it was just a waiting game.
Two hours rolled by. We listened to George Strait, Kenny Chesney and dozens of other songs on Theresa’s playlist. Theresa started feeling funny stuff in the girl parts.
We talked about what-ifs and maybes. The nurse checked the cervix and saw 3 cm. We talked about how Ritza’s new dental appliance prevented her from saying her “S’s.” We ran out of things to talk about and just held each other. The time was flying by, and anticipation continued to ramp up to immeasurable levels.
About 1:00 pm, the contractions started getting stronger. They weren’t unbearable but they were definitely contributing to some discomfort. Theresa did a very good job of letting the contractions do their job. She just breathed through them, focusing on any area of the body that wasn’t relaxed and forcefully relaxing it. Her eyebrows were a storage area for tension. Her hands are usually tense, but she was in control today.
Theresa started to feel some moisture down below around 3pm. The nurses were convinced this wasn’t her water breaking because is didn’t look right, but they labeled it as a “suspicious leak.” They wanted to check the progress any way and measured about 4 cm, which is not what Theresa wanted to hear after all of that work! Right as they were checking, guess what spilled everywhere! The suspicious leak actually was the water breaking! At the same time, The nurse continued to explain that the cervix hadn’t gotten much bigger, but the baby was all the way down, or “engaged.” The pain continued to feel far disproportionate from the assessment of the nurse.
The contractions came stronger and harder, but we still felt like it was going to be a long night, and it was only 4pm! Finally, I knew it was baby time. Theresa was starting to lose focus and half-way considered the use of powerful epidural drugs. She made up her mind that was not the way she wanted to do this, remembering from the past a bad experience with the drug. She was going to stick it out.
Theresa suddenly felt the urge to push, but resisted, just breathing through as usual. All of the staff ran in, doubting this could be the time, since they just checked at 4pm at only 4 cm. They checked the dilation again, this time at 6-7 cm, which is usually still pretty far away from a birthday. Then there was the urge to push again. Again Theresa didn’t push, just trying as hard as possible to relax and breathe through the contraction, letting the uterus do its job. The staff left us alone again, not expecting action for quite a while.
TEN MINUTES LATER, Theresa got the uncontrollable urge to push. The staff rushed in again, thinking there was some kind of problem, but Dr. Adams measured this time at 9cm plus. She still wanted Theresa to wait on pushing, but nature had other plans. All of a sudden, Theresa stopped breathing and started staring at me. Her eyes started glazing over and her face turned red, almost purple. Her chin sank into her face and her body was pulled down into the bed by the force of her hands on the bed rails. Just one push and his head was already visible!
Now the Doctor knew she wasn’t just dramatic. Without warning, Theresa reached over her head and grabbed my arm. She started pulling me forward. I braced my arm with my other one against the bed and it was still a major struggle to resist the power of push #2. There was definitely some progress on this one, but not at much as the third push, when after a deep breath, Theresa bore down with everything she had. At 5:09 pm, London time, on 28 September 2007 Azariah Francisco Martin Horne’s innocent little head crossed over into our crazy world. His world of quiet comfort and laziness was rudely interrupted when Dr. Adams grabbed onto his head, supporting him for the fourth push, which cleared his shoulders, arms, torso, legs and feet.
Theresa was relieved it was all over. Azzie was placed on her chest and we all had the biggest smiles in the world. The youngest person alive was all ours. Soon after the commotion, we thanked God for all our blessings, and the opportunity to raise another one of his children.
Friday 21 September 2007
Belly Art
As you can see we are getting pretty close to "D" day. The Drs. have decided that they want to induce me on Friday the 28th because they baby is so big. When we got here they decided to put on high risk status because of the fact that I haven't gained enough weight.
I am a very "natural" person and I wanted very much to let the baby come when he is ready. I have studied the "Bradley Method" of natural childbirth and have given my birth plan to my Dr. I feel like they are doing only what they want and refusing to let me or Allen have any say so in the birth of our baby.
On Weds I had an appointment, and the Dr. examined me, it was extremely painful. When I got home I went to the bathroom and I had started bleeding. I immediately called the Dr. and they said that was normal after being examined. Well an hour later I went to the bathroom again and not only was I still bleeding I was also passing blood clots! I really started to painic then. I was also starting to have contractions, so Allen and I decided to go to the hospital. We got there and they said I was at 4 cm. I thought we were going to have the baby that night, but then my contractions just stopped.
I am a very "natural" person and I wanted very much to let the baby come when he is ready. I have studied the "Bradley Method" of natural childbirth and have given my birth plan to my Dr. I feel like they are doing only what they want and refusing to let me or Allen have any say so in the birth of our baby.
On Weds I had an appointment, and the Dr. examined me, it was extremely painful. When I got home I went to the bathroom and I had started bleeding. I immediately called the Dr. and they said that was normal after being examined. Well an hour later I went to the bathroom again and not only was I still bleeding I was also passing blood clots! I really started to painic then. I was also starting to have contractions, so Allen and I decided to go to the hospital. We got there and they said I was at 4 cm. I thought we were going to have the baby that night, but then my contractions just stopped.
When the Tech came in to give me my paperwork she told me that I should be going into labor very soon because I had my "membranes stripped" earlier that day. After hearing this I was livid. I gave no consent for the Dr. to violate me like that. In fact I had just handed my birth plan to her and told her that I want a natural delivery. No drugs, No inductions, No nudging the baby! She agreed as long as he was here before the 28th. After that I didn't have a choice and I would have to be induced.
I honestly don't understand why these military Drs. feel like they can do whatever they want and answer to no one. I haven't contacted my patient advocate yet, but as soon as the baby is born I will be demanding some answers. I kinda hate to piss anyone off now, because in a few days I am gonna be at their mercy.
I am really sick and tired of people telling me that being induced is no big deal. I have done my research and there have been studies that show that women who are given pitocin during labor have a higher chance of having a baby with ADHD. I have ADHD, my father has ADHD, and Ricky has ADHD. If there is something that I can do to lower his risk of having ADHD, then I am going to do it.
Wow! All I wanted to do was post some pictures that the kids drew on my belly, and I ended up ranting. Sorry.
The kids have really enjoyed drawing on my big Santa belly. I have a few more pictures that I will post later on.
I honestly don't understand why these military Drs. feel like they can do whatever they want and answer to no one. I haven't contacted my patient advocate yet, but as soon as the baby is born I will be demanding some answers. I kinda hate to piss anyone off now, because in a few days I am gonna be at their mercy.
I am really sick and tired of people telling me that being induced is no big deal. I have done my research and there have been studies that show that women who are given pitocin during labor have a higher chance of having a baby with ADHD. I have ADHD, my father has ADHD, and Ricky has ADHD. If there is something that I can do to lower his risk of having ADHD, then I am going to do it.
Wow! All I wanted to do was post some pictures that the kids drew on my belly, and I ended up ranting. Sorry.
The kids have really enjoyed drawing on my big Santa belly. I have a few more pictures that I will post later on.
Right now, Ricky woke up and is ready to open his birthday presents....
Tuesday 28 August 2007
first day of school
Even though my grills are in middle school and my son is in second grade, my heart breaks on the first day of school.
Yesterday was the first time that my grills didn't want me to take them to school. It broke my heart, but I let them ride the bus, because I remember being that age. I remember wanting independence, but still it broke my heart.
Ricky wasn't so sure about starting a new school and he made it clear that not only were we going to take him to school, we would stay there until he said we could leave.
The first day of school always sucks for all of us. The kids are tired from lack of sleep because they are too excited to sleep the night before. I am just a cry baby when it comes to my kids, I realize that every year is one year closer to them graduating and leaving home, and that thought kills me.
Here is a letter I found on the internet, I am not sure who wrote it, but I had to share it. It describes my feelings perfectly....
Dear World:
I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long.. and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sun when she runs.I trust you'll treat her well.
She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning...and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine.Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.
Now she'll learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells...and deadlines...and she'll learn to giggle...and gossip...and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry.
No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things...like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friends is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes.
For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and mother and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers ...which is only right. But no longer will I be the smartest woman in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time...she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group...with all its privileges and its disadvantages too.
She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud...or kiss dogs...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer.Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.
I trust you'll treat her well.
She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning...and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine.Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.
Now she'll learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells...and deadlines...and she'll learn to giggle...and gossip...and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry.
No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things...like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friends is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes.
For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and mother and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers ...which is only right. But no longer will I be the smartest woman in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time...she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group...with all its privileges and its disadvantages too.
She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud...or kiss dogs...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer.Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.
I trust you'll treat her well.
Thursday 23 August 2007
Raidon Jacob Stanton
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Moving to Florida was pretty tough on me. I had never been away from my family and I didn’t know how I would deal with everything. I had no idea how life outside of Tulie would be, and I was scared. I prayed that God would put us in the right house and give us good neighbors. God answered my prayers. The day we moved in we met Michelle and Raidon. Ricky was only three and Rai was 9 months old. Ricky wasn’t really into babies and he asked Michelle point blank “is that the only kid you have?” She laughed and said no she had 2 other boys that were at school. On that day, I met one of my best friends.
After we got all settled in, we started to hang out a little more every day. I so enjoyed our nightly talks on our carport sometimes lasting for hours, with our kids constantly interrupting to see when we would be coming in. Most nights Rai was outside with us, he was such a mama’s boy.
Shortly after our move Allen got word that he would soon deploy. This really freaked me out, how was I supposed to live in a new state, without my husband. Allen told Chris (Michelle’s husband) the night before he was leaving, I think it was after ten at night. Michelle was in the shower and Chris went inside and told her, she immediately got out of the shower threw on some clothes and came over to assure me that they would take care of us.
Michelle, Chris, Austin, Gage and Raidon quickly became our family. They had us over for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. I remember on Thanksgiving getting all the papers and planning our shopping strategy for early the next morning. We decided that Chris would stay with all 6 of the kids, while we went out and faced the crowds.
After the New Year the drs. Said that Rai had some sort of blockage in his heart. They said that it is nothing to worry about; they said he needed more tests. They did the tests and ended up taking him to Birmingham. I kept the 2 older boys while they went up there. Then Michelle called one day and told me that Rai had a much more serious problem with his heart and would require open heart surgery.
A few days later he had his surgery and was home less than a week later. I had been trying to prepare all of the kids, trying to tell them what to expect. When Chris and Michelle got home that day, we were all shocked to see Rai walking around. He was a little sore and we joked that he was moving like a little old man, but he was walking around and playing with all of the kids. He was so excited to see them.
He did really well after the surgery, but a few months later he started getting fevers, and just acting like he was in lots of pain. So Chris and Michelle went back to the Drs. to try to find out what was wrong with him. They had so many appointments and nobody could tell them what was wrong. He was admitted to the Children’s hospital in Pensacola several times, but never with a diagnosis. One dr. would say one thing and another would say something else. He would be fine some days and others he was just so sick. Nobody knew what was wrong with him. Eventually the drs. said that they thought it was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. With this diagnosis the Air Force decided that Rai needed to be near a good hospital that could provide the treatment that he needed. They got orders to McChrord AFB in Washington State. I knew that they needed to leave, but I was so sad. These people were our family. We spent all of our holidays together.
Our kids got along great. I have noticed that it is very hard to find a family that everyone in your family gets along with. Our husbands were good friends, I remember Michelle and me going to the movies or shopping and coming home and the kids telling us that daddy and Chris broke the fence playing baseketball (hitting a basketball with a bat.) I remember Michelle’s boys telling her that Mr. Allen and daddy bet that they couldn’t jump from the roof to the trampoline. These were just a few of the mischievous things that our husbands did with our children while we were out on our dates.
After they left we didn’t talk as much, maybe once a month, but we stayed in contact. When we would talk Michelle would tell me how Rai was doing. Sometimes he was doing great, others he was having more problems.
Then last month I got an email from Michelle, telling me that she was in Seattle at the Children’s hospital with Rai and that he was really sick. She said that they almost lost him once. I called daily for a couple of weeks and then went to every couple of days. Then last week I talked to her and she said that he was doing much better. He was moved out of ICU and may be getting his feeding tube removed in the next couple of days. We were all so happy.
Then yesterday I got an email and the title was “video or our Rai” I opened it and immediately started to download it. I didn’t read the message I just wanted to see how he was. After I watched it I started to read what she wrote, and the room started spinning. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. It said something like this video was taken on Monday, he was happy that day. Then the next sentence said that Rai is not hurting anymore, he is in heaven. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. Allen was right there with me. I asked him what does this mean and he told me that Rai is gone.
My heart broke for Michelle, Chris and the boys. Rai has been there whole world for the last 5 years and how are they going to go on. We had to tell our kids, but how do you tell them that all of their prayers have not been answered? How do I look at my son and tell him that the little boy that he prayed for everyday was gone?
I called Michelle, and we talked for a little while, but what do I say? What do you tell someone who just lost their child? I’m sorry seems like such a stupid thing. I bought a card to send but even that seems stupid. How can a piece of paper offer any type of comfort?
I am writing this to ask all of my friends and family to please pray for Chris, Michelle, Austin and Gage as they go through this horrible time. Please also pray for everyone who knew and loved this amazing five year old little boy. Ask God to send comfort, and understanding to their family and last but not least please ask God that he keep their family together. I have read over and over that most marriages don’t make it through such an incredible loss. I am praying that they make it and somehow, someway they find comfort.
After we got all settled in, we started to hang out a little more every day. I so enjoyed our nightly talks on our carport sometimes lasting for hours, with our kids constantly interrupting to see when we would be coming in. Most nights Rai was outside with us, he was such a mama’s boy.
Shortly after our move Allen got word that he would soon deploy. This really freaked me out, how was I supposed to live in a new state, without my husband. Allen told Chris (Michelle’s husband) the night before he was leaving, I think it was after ten at night. Michelle was in the shower and Chris went inside and told her, she immediately got out of the shower threw on some clothes and came over to assure me that they would take care of us.
Michelle, Chris, Austin, Gage and Raidon quickly became our family. They had us over for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. I remember on Thanksgiving getting all the papers and planning our shopping strategy for early the next morning. We decided that Chris would stay with all 6 of the kids, while we went out and faced the crowds.
After the New Year the drs. Said that Rai had some sort of blockage in his heart. They said that it is nothing to worry about; they said he needed more tests. They did the tests and ended up taking him to Birmingham. I kept the 2 older boys while they went up there. Then Michelle called one day and told me that Rai had a much more serious problem with his heart and would require open heart surgery.
A few days later he had his surgery and was home less than a week later. I had been trying to prepare all of the kids, trying to tell them what to expect. When Chris and Michelle got home that day, we were all shocked to see Rai walking around. He was a little sore and we joked that he was moving like a little old man, but he was walking around and playing with all of the kids. He was so excited to see them.
He did really well after the surgery, but a few months later he started getting fevers, and just acting like he was in lots of pain. So Chris and Michelle went back to the Drs. to try to find out what was wrong with him. They had so many appointments and nobody could tell them what was wrong. He was admitted to the Children’s hospital in Pensacola several times, but never with a diagnosis. One dr. would say one thing and another would say something else. He would be fine some days and others he was just so sick. Nobody knew what was wrong with him. Eventually the drs. said that they thought it was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. With this diagnosis the Air Force decided that Rai needed to be near a good hospital that could provide the treatment that he needed. They got orders to McChrord AFB in Washington State. I knew that they needed to leave, but I was so sad. These people were our family. We spent all of our holidays together.
Our kids got along great. I have noticed that it is very hard to find a family that everyone in your family gets along with. Our husbands were good friends, I remember Michelle and me going to the movies or shopping and coming home and the kids telling us that daddy and Chris broke the fence playing baseketball (hitting a basketball with a bat.) I remember Michelle’s boys telling her that Mr. Allen and daddy bet that they couldn’t jump from the roof to the trampoline. These were just a few of the mischievous things that our husbands did with our children while we were out on our dates.
After they left we didn’t talk as much, maybe once a month, but we stayed in contact. When we would talk Michelle would tell me how Rai was doing. Sometimes he was doing great, others he was having more problems.
Then last month I got an email from Michelle, telling me that she was in Seattle at the Children’s hospital with Rai and that he was really sick. She said that they almost lost him once. I called daily for a couple of weeks and then went to every couple of days. Then last week I talked to her and she said that he was doing much better. He was moved out of ICU and may be getting his feeding tube removed in the next couple of days. We were all so happy.
Then yesterday I got an email and the title was “video or our Rai” I opened it and immediately started to download it. I didn’t read the message I just wanted to see how he was. After I watched it I started to read what she wrote, and the room started spinning. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. It said something like this video was taken on Monday, he was happy that day. Then the next sentence said that Rai is not hurting anymore, he is in heaven. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. Allen was right there with me. I asked him what does this mean and he told me that Rai is gone.
My heart broke for Michelle, Chris and the boys. Rai has been there whole world for the last 5 years and how are they going to go on. We had to tell our kids, but how do you tell them that all of their prayers have not been answered? How do I look at my son and tell him that the little boy that he prayed for everyday was gone?
I called Michelle, and we talked for a little while, but what do I say? What do you tell someone who just lost their child? I’m sorry seems like such a stupid thing. I bought a card to send but even that seems stupid. How can a piece of paper offer any type of comfort?
I am writing this to ask all of my friends and family to please pray for Chris, Michelle, Austin and Gage as they go through this horrible time. Please also pray for everyone who knew and loved this amazing five year old little boy. Ask God to send comfort, and understanding to their family and last but not least please ask God that he keep their family together. I have read over and over that most marriages don’t make it through such an incredible loss. I am praying that they make it and somehow, someway they find comfort.
Goodnight Rai, sleep well. We love you!
Thursday 9 August 2007
A life long commitment
One of the most amazing experiences I have had as a mommy came on our last weekend in Florida. My kids have been saved ever since they were old enough to grasp what Jesus did for them. The girls had been wanting to get baptised, but I kept putting it off. A couple of weeks before we were set to leave Fl, they asked me to ask Pastor James if he would be willing to baptize them before we left. He agreed and we set a date for the weekend of April 28th. After church he came out to the beach we had on base and talked with Allen, the girls, Ricky and me about what they were about to do. Allen decided that he also wanted to get baptised too. Ricky had said that he wanted to get "bathtised" too, but I wasn't sure he was old enough to make that decision. After Pastor James prayed with us, they went out into the ocean and they were baptised. Ricky asked again and Pastor James talked to him and he told Allen that he thought he was ready, as long as we were okay with that. That day everyone in my family publicly acknowledged their desire to serve God for the rest of their lives.
Sunday 5 August 2007
Got your Back
A girl friend sent this to me and I thought it was worth sharing....
I am a small and precious childmy dad's been sent to fight
The only place I'll see his faceis in my dream at night.
He will be gone too many daysfor my young mind to keep track
I may be sad, but I am proud.My daddy's got your back.
I am a caring mother my son has gone to war
My mind is filled with worriesthat I have never known before.
Everyday I try to keepmy thoughts from turning black
I may be scared, but I am proud.My son has got your back.
I am a strong and loving wifewith a husband soon to go
There are times I'm terrifiedin a way most never know.
I bite my lip and force a smile as I watch my husband pack
My heart may break, but I am proud. My husband's got your back.
I am a soldier serving proudly, standing tall
I fight for freedom, yours and mine by answering this call.
I do my job while knowingthe thanks it sometimes lacks.
Say a prayer that I'll come homeIt's me who's got your back.
I am a small and precious childmy dad's been sent to fight
The only place I'll see his faceis in my dream at night.
He will be gone too many daysfor my young mind to keep track
I may be sad, but I am proud.My daddy's got your back.
I am a caring mother my son has gone to war
My mind is filled with worriesthat I have never known before.
Everyday I try to keepmy thoughts from turning black
I may be scared, but I am proud.My son has got your back.
I am a strong and loving wifewith a husband soon to go
There are times I'm terrifiedin a way most never know.
I bite my lip and force a smile as I watch my husband pack
My heart may break, but I am proud. My husband's got your back.
I am a soldier serving proudly, standing tall
I fight for freedom, yours and mine by answering this call.
I do my job while knowingthe thanks it sometimes lacks.
Say a prayer that I'll come homeIt's me who's got your back.
Saturday 4 August 2007
English Rose Garden
One of the first things I noticed when we got to England was the beautiful roses that just about every yard had. I told Allen that I MUST have some of these roses for our garden when we got all moved in. I have been looking for them everywhere, but I never could find any. Last week our landlord came over and I just happened to ask him if he knew of a place to find some. He told us Peter Beale. Today we finally made it out there and I finally got my english roses. Besides the nursery they also have a couple of acres of rose gardens. Here are a few pics...
Thursday 12 July 2007
Adventures of an American girl in England
So as of today we have been here for a month and 8 days. Things are getting a little better everyday. We finally have our internet up and running, our home phone is connected with unlimited calls to America, and my house is almost clear of boxes.
The differences between America and England are immeasurable. Here are a few that have really caught me off guard.
~NO WAL-MART!
~No McDonalds (within 20 mins)
~Driving on the other side of the road (it may look easy in movies, in reality not so much)
~Portion sizes are tiny compared to the States
~Alot of the British despise Americans (on the 4th of July, they were outside the gates of the base protesting us telling us to go home)
~Our landlord loves Americans
~The closest thing we have found to Wal-Mart is a car dealership. We rented a car from there, found our house, bought Allen's Audi, got our American car converted to English specs, and got our lisence plates from there. As close to one stop shopping as you get here in England.
~How much I miss home. I never thought I would want to be in NM as bad as I do right now.
~ The sun doesn't go down until after 10:30 and it is up by 4:30
~The weather, there have been 2 days that it hasn't rained
~The commissary has BUENO GREEN CHILI! By far the happiest day I have had since arriving here.
~Porn is free on Sky TV after 7:00pm
~ Kids are allowed to curse, and F**K is not a curse word, it is just another word.
~When I have the baby, I will have to stay in the hospital for 3 days (this is for a normal delivery)
~BT(British Telephone) is a monopoly and everyone here is okay with that!
~Everything is so EXPENSIVE!
I am sure as time goes by I will get used to these things, but right now everything is pretty new to me. I have so much more to write but I will close for now and write more later.
The differences between America and England are immeasurable. Here are a few that have really caught me off guard.
~NO WAL-MART!
~No McDonalds (within 20 mins)
~Driving on the other side of the road (it may look easy in movies, in reality not so much)
~Portion sizes are tiny compared to the States
~Alot of the British despise Americans (on the 4th of July, they were outside the gates of the base protesting us telling us to go home)
~Our landlord loves Americans
~The closest thing we have found to Wal-Mart is a car dealership. We rented a car from there, found our house, bought Allen's Audi, got our American car converted to English specs, and got our lisence plates from there. As close to one stop shopping as you get here in England.
~How much I miss home. I never thought I would want to be in NM as bad as I do right now.
~ The sun doesn't go down until after 10:30 and it is up by 4:30
~The weather, there have been 2 days that it hasn't rained
~The commissary has BUENO GREEN CHILI! By far the happiest day I have had since arriving here.
~Porn is free on Sky TV after 7:00pm
~ Kids are allowed to curse, and F**K is not a curse word, it is just another word.
~When I have the baby, I will have to stay in the hospital for 3 days (this is for a normal delivery)
~BT(British Telephone) is a monopoly and everyone here is okay with that!
~Everything is so EXPENSIVE!
I am sure as time goes by I will get used to these things, but right now everything is pretty new to me. I have so much more to write but I will close for now and write more later.
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